Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
