I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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