Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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