You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
