you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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