he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
