is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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