What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
