The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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