Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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