Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
