We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
