if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
