hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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