Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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