hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
