Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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