While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
