There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
