I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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