Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize