so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
