I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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