____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
nutella sex= disaster
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
