What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
