She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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