I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
