rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want to make out with him forever
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
