Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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