So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
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Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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