Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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