bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
