i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
