Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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