TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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