oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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