You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
