Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
