He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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