I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
