6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
