I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
