You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
