You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
