He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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