We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
