So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
