I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
