that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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