They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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