Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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