If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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