dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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