Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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