I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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