I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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