News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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