Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
