She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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