so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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