Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
