You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
